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Recipes and Whole Family Wealth
September 1, 2010
A little while back I posted about Whole Family Wealth™ – what it is and why I believe it is the most fulfilling way for an and individual or family to plan for their future (click here to read the post). A good friend of mine followed up with a suggestion for an addition to Whole Family Wealth Planning – family recipes. What a great idea! I thought the story was so good that I ought to share it with you:
To me, one of the biggest parts of a family’s memories and traditions is Mom’s recipes. By the time kids reach adulthood, cooking has usually changed dramatically from their childhood. This is probably true for just about any generation. But most kids fondly remember the things their mothers made when they were children.
I thought about this a few years ago. My sisters and I frequently laughed and remembered some of the things our mom made when we were little. Like most people, her version of many standard recipes had little idiosyncracies, and there were some things that were not standard. Like Glowacki Chicken (Mom named a lot of recipes after the person that had given them to her). She also used to make ketchup gravy for pork chops, dandelion greens (which I still can’t stand to this day but my sisters go over once a year for dandelion green dinner) and oxtails.
So a few years ago I decided to make each of my siblings a cookbook of all of mom’s old recipes. I took her main cookbook that she’d used for decades and went through picking out the ones I wanted. For each one, I asked her if it was correct as written or if she did something different. If different, I noted it in the margin. I also asked her for recipes that I remembered but didn’t find in the cookbook so I could write those down. She actually insisted on typing them out for me – to make sure she got them right.
I made copies of all the them and put them in tabbed 3-ring binders. My sisters and brother were really surprised and happy to get it. I just wanted to make sure that when my mom passes, I could still have her biscuits and gravy if I wanted.
And it would be my guess that she and her siblings would value those recipes as much (or more) than any financial inheritance they may receive. See, the “intangible assets” we all have are far more valuable than any financial assets, yet very few individuals and families take the time to include the values, insights, stories and experiences in their planning . . . and few professionals make it a priority or even know how to do it.
What do you think? What “intangible” do you miss most about your parents, grandparents, friends, etc.? What “intangible” of yours would you most want your children and grandchildren to know about and benefit from?
Contact us today to begin creating a plan based on your Whole Family Wealth™.
Michael Lichterman is an estate planning attorney who helps families and business owners create a lasting legacy by planning for their Whole Family Wealth™. This goes beyond merely planning for finances – it’s about who your are and what’s important to you. He focuses on planning for the “experienced” generation, the “sandwich generation” (caring for parents and children), doctors/physicians, nurses, lawyers, dentists, professionals with minor children, and family owned business succession – and he is privileged to do so from a Christian perspective. He takes the “counselor” part of attorney and counselor at law very seriously, and enjoys creating life long relationships with his clients – many of which have become great friends.
Things My Clients Taught Me
August 29, 2010
I recently read a great post by an estate planning colleague of mine in Oregon, Candice Aiston. Because Candice and I work with clients in much the same, relationship-based way, it was no surprise to me that I’ve learned from my clients many of the same things she has learned from hers. Given the hustle and bustle right now and my belief that I couldn’t improve on her excellent post, I’m re-posting it here for you with her permission. Let me know what you think!
Things My Clients Taught Me
Every time I get through a client’s estate planning process, I leave having learned something new. I learn what’s important to them and I learn about the characteristics they have that make them so successful in life. Most families that plan with me record a message to their children, and as they talk to their kids, I gain so much insight about what is important to these families. The families are all different when it comes to wealth, religion, political stance, occupations, and interests/hobbies. But they all have a few different things in common that I’ve noticed over the past few years. The characteristics are apparent throughout our entire planning process. Here are a few:
1. It’s all about priorities.
My clients are all very successful, especially in their family lives. I think this is largely due to the fact that they all have their priorities in the right order. At our first meeting, I hear my clients talk about their families. They tell me how they met their partners and they tell me about their kids. Sometimes the meeting is very emotionally charged, because we face worst-case scenarios and talk about their worst fears. They are there because taking care of their family is a priority, even if they were no longer here. Most of them feel that they’ve put off the planning for too long, and that it’s time to finally get it done. The best story I have heard about priorities came from a colleague of mine, whose clients (parents of young children) decided to use their vacation savings to pay for their estate plan. They decided that the planning was so important that a vacation could wait a little longer. (I have to admit, that would be a tough one for me. Luckily, many attorneys out there have various payment plans available.) All of my clients have made it a priority that you take care of your family first. Everything else comes after that.
2. Plan for the worst, expect the best.
Many people put off important things like estate planning, retirement planning, financial planning, and family budgeting because it’s really tough to face these issues. It’s difficult to face worst-case scenarios in your own mind, let alone discuss them openly with your family. It’s even more of a task to find a professional and set up that first appointment. Sure, everyone is busy, but there’s an additional psychological barrier that makes parents want to fly by the seat of their pants when it comes to this stuff. We seem to think that if we don’t think about death and money that the bad things won’t happen. It is very common for people to be superstitious about estate planning in particular. The idea is that if we acknowledge death and make plans for it, then we’ve admitted that the worst is possible. As long as we ignore it, it won’t happen. The truth is that death weighs heavily on all of our minds and actually holds us back from truly being able to expect the best. Once we have gotten through the process of planning for the worst, that weight is lifted and we can focus on the other important things in our lives.
3. Do the best you can for the ones you love.
The clients I have don’t take information for granted. We all have heard people say, “I need a will,” or, “I need to get something in place.” One thing all of my clients have in common is that they came to the first meeting to learn. They didn’t come to the meeting to tell me what they needed; they came to learn what their situation looks like, and to learn about how they can do the best planning to care for their families. They had questions. They wanted all the facts on the table so that they could make decisions that would work best for their families. It’s not about checking something off of your “to do” list or doing something that everyone says you should do; it’s about doing the best you can for the ones you love.
4. Just do it.
No, I didn’t just throw this one in there because so many of my clients work for/with Nike. All of my clients are pretty good at just doing it. They are all able to weigh pros and cons quickly and get things done. Most of my clients are extremely busy people. If they’re anything like me, they’ve probably had to learn to quickly weigh the facts and make important decisions, because they need to get on with their lives! If they know they need the planning, and they feel that they like me and trust me, the decision is a quick one. (Without those factors in place, no one should make a decision to move forward. If your meeting with a professional leaves you feeling more confused than ever, or if you get a gut feeling that you should leave, then do it! You should only work with someone who makes you feel comfortable and confident. No professional is suited to work with everyone.)
5. Find a way to make it work.
You may be surprised to know that many of my clients weren’t able to just write me a check for the full cost of their planning services. Once they learned how badly they needed the planning, they did what they needed to do to make it work, including asking me if there were payment plans available. Like most things in life, once you’ve decided to make something work, there’s little that can deter you. If you feel that you can’t afford the full cost of services up front, ask your attorney about a payment plan.
It’s hard to know how to conclude this post. I’m sure I have a lot more to learn from my clients over time. Maybe they should charge me a fee for all of this wisdom that they bestow upon me. 
Correcting a Death Certificate in Michigan
August 25, 2010
This is one of those things that you never really think about yet seems to come up with surprising frequency. As a matter of fact, I hadn’t thought much about it until the conversation came up on an email listserv I belong to. So here’s the quick explanation in case you or someone you know ends up in this situation.
The best part is that the “what to do” part is relatively easy. You can get the paperwork online by going here: http://www.michigan.gov/documents/deathcorrpublic_6733_7.pdf. You’ll need to print it out, fill it out and mail it (along with the $40 fee) to:
Vital Records Changes
PO Box 30721
Lansing, MI 48909
If you want additional, certified copies they are $12 each. You can contact the Michigan Vital Records Changes Unit by calling (517)-335-8660. And you can always contact us if you have questions as well.
Ok, so remember how I said the “what to do” part is relatively easy? The kicker is that the process of making the change can take some time . . . sometimes as long as 3 to 4 months!
Michael Lichterman is an estate planning attorney who helps families and business owners create a lasting legacy by planning for their Whole Family Wealth™. This goes beyond merely planning for finances – it’s about who your are and what’s important to you. He focuses on planning for the “experienced” generation, the “sandwich generation” (caring for parents and children), doctors/physicians, nurses, lawyers, dentists, professionals with minor children, and family owned business succession – and he is privileged to do so from a Christian perspective. He takes the “counselor” part of attorney and counselor at law very seriously, and enjoys creating life long relationships with his clients – many of which have become great friends.
Planning for Special Needs Children in Michigan
August 22, 2010
I love working with families and helping them ensure their children’s future, there’s no question about that. Although there are special considerations for each family when it comes to planning, there are some additional considerations for families with a child who has special needs. This post was originally one of my weekly fun and informative e-newsletters. I received such great feedback that I thought I would share it with everyone . Feel free to forward this along to families who come to mind, and let them know that we will certainly assist them with their unique situation. And you can sign-up to receive my weekly e-newsletter by clicking here. As a bonus, you will receive my free report “10 Things You May Not Know About Cheap Online Will Software.” Enjoy . . . and share your thoughts via comment below or clicking here!
Every child is special, in their own unique way. That said, certain children are even more precious–and their needs are great. I’m referring to what many call “special needs children” (though, it’s perhaps better to call them children with special needs–after all, they really are “children” FIRST, and not to be defined first by their “needs”!).
Because this is something which adds certain complications to any family, I thought I’d take a moment this week to address 3 key wealth strategies for families with these beautiful, special children.
Planning Your Family’s Wealth Around a Child With Special Needs
Here is the standard thinking, in regards to setting up your affairs with children who have special needs:
Families realize that they have to support these children for the rest of their lives. So, they typically write wills and take out significant term life insurance policies. They are careful to name a trust as the beneficiary, because if their child has more than a minimal amount of assets upon reaching age 18, he/she will no longer be eligible for some government benefits.
However, while these families are indeed on the right track, parents with special needs children also should:
1. Set up a second trust. I am a strong supporter of stand-alone special needs trusts. The purpose of this additional trust would be to make sure that the provisions in the parents’ trust don’t disqualify the child from receiving any government benefits that would otherwise be available for his/her care. It’s better to “wall off” what the child receives. The separate trust is also there so that friends and family members can contribute to the child’s care while the family is still alive–without causing the child to lose eligibility for federal disability benefits.
2. Increase savings. These families need a much larger emergency fund than most, and they also need to create a “reserve fund”. They should concentrate on savings–rather than paying off debt–especially if interest rates on loans are low.
3. Plan for three retirements. These families not only have to plan for their retirements, but also for the child’s long-term care. They should maximize their savings and take an aggressive approach with their portfolio to maximize returns over the long run.
While I’m not a financial planner, I thought that these tips were so important that if you find yourself in this situation, you should raise them with your professional adviser.
Michael Lichterman is an estate planning attorney who helps families and business owners create a lasting legacy by planning for their Whole Family Wealth™. This goes beyond merely planning for finances – it’s about who your are and what’s important to you. He focuses on planning for the “experienced” generation, the “sandwich generation” (caring for parents and children), doctors/physicians, nurses, lawyers, dentists, professionals with minor children, and family owned business succession – and he is privileged to do so from a Christian perspective. He takes the “counselor” part of attorney and counselor at law very seriously, and enjoys creating life long relationships with his clients – many of which have become great friends.
Truly Creating a Legacy – Story Based Planning
August 18, 2010
In this final installment on story based planning, my colleague and mentor – Scott Farnsworth – delves into the reasoning behind why story leading questions are powerful . . . and the key to a story and values based plan. To me, these are the plans that truly create a legacy rather than just a set of documents. To have the proper context you will want to read the previous 4 posts here: 1, 2, 3, 4. I believe everyone needs this type of plan. If you find yourself longing for a legacy rather than a set of documents, give us a call to schedule your Whole Family Wealth Planning Session.
Nancy Kline, the author of Time to Think and More Time to Think, has taught me a number of significant truths. One is that “the human mind thinks best in the presence of a question.”
As I turned that idea over in my brain a hundred million times, I began to see that questions matter, and they matter deeply in every field of human thinking. The nature and quality of the questions we ask determine the nature and quality of the thinking we spark and of the answers we receive.
I learned in law school that certain types of questions lead to particular kinds of answers. For example, “open-ended questions” elicit a different kind of answers than “yes/no questions,” and these are different from “leading questions,” which guide a witness to testify a certain way. The type of questions we ask or the way we phrase or frame our questions influences the answers we receive.
This principle is readily seen in the field of education. As a Portuguese instructor, a college professor of business law, and now as a facilitator of professional training, I have observed that students receive, process, store, retrieve, and apply information differently according to the types of questions they are asked and, indeed, by the types of questions they anticipate they will be asked. The learning processes and the thinking processes for one type of question are different from the learning processes and the thinking processes for all other kinds of questions.
For example, a course in which students believe they will be graded with a true-false, multiple choice, matching, or short-answer exam will produce a different kind of thinking and learning than a course in which the anticipated exam is essay, open-ended, problem-solving, or issue-spotting. Similarly, an oral exam results in a very different educational experience than a written one.
The type and style of questions also determines the nature, quality, and quantity of information available to the teacher to assess the students’ comprehension of the subject matter and their ability to apply the material elsewhere. Some kinds of questions deliver rich and abundant information about the student and the learning process, while others yield scant and sketchy insights. If teachers want to understand how well their students are thinking and what they are learning, they should pay careful attention to the nature of the questions they ask.
“Successful” students — i.e. those who score well on exams — learn how to anticipate the nature of the questions they will be asked and apply the learning and testing strategies that work best for those kinds of questions. On the other hand, “successful” students — i.e., those who learn to think clearly about the material and then put it to use in the “real world” — think beyond exam questions and anticipate the issues the “real world” will present them.
What’s true in the field of education is also true in our work with clients: the type and style of questions we use matters deeply. Our questions determine which issues our clients think about, and then drive the way they think about, those issues.
If our questions are analytical and numbers-oriented, our clients will think analytically and will focus on the numbers. And if our questions are more intuitive and visionary, our clients will be more reflective and more thoughtful about the future they are creating for themselves and those affected by their planning.
The best planners are comfortable working in both sides of the brain, and are skilful in getting their clients to do the same.
In her magnificent book, I Will Not Die an Unlived Life,” Dawna Markova writes:
The brain has both analytic and intuitive ways of processing information. They are meant to work hand in hand, but usually end up in an arm wrestle. If we analyze only as we have been taught to do in most schools, snapping at the first answer that comes along, then judging it good or bad, right or wrong, the shy intuitive mind, not unlike a prairie dog, runs for cover. Analysis, when improperly done, causes paralysis. It creates a world “out there,” of which we are only spectators and in which we do not live. It is commonly called objectivity.
If, on the other hand, the analytic mind asks open questions of discernment — “I wonder how this would work. . . . What would it look like if this were really possible? . . .” the intuitive mind begins to explore many possibilities, weaving its way through the trees until it has a sense of the whole forest and its meaning in nature’s scheme of things. Pop!
This wandering and wondering are not useful when one is dealing with issues such as the computation of income taxes. But the exploration of purpose and passion requires us to uncover patterns and understand the relatedness between things, and then synthesize them into a new whole. This is the terrain of intuitive processing. Personal truth can not be found in either analytic thinking or intuitive thinking alone. It can only be uncovered in an open inquiry between them.
Because most of us work in a presumptively analytical world, it is not always easy to inspire ourselves or our clients to operate concurrently in the intuitive world. It sometimes feels awkward or invasive. And yet, if we fail to go there, we are stuck in the shallow waters of “the computation of income taxes” and similar tasks, ending often in “analysis paralysis.”
So what is the secret to moving comfortably and confidently into the deep waters of real thinking about the issues that should underpin and overlay great planning? From my three decades in the planning professions, my answer is to ask what I call “story-leading questions.”
Stories are our native language, and everyone, including our most analytical clients, has a story to tell. Stories are a right-brain, intuitive activity that naturally invites the “wandering and wondering” and the “exploration of purpose and passion” Markova writes about. In the hands of an artful advisor, story-leading questions and the stories they spark beckon clients (and also advisors) to “uncover patterns and understand the relatedness between things, and then synthesize them into a new whole.”
The result is a masterful, thoughtful blend of solid numbers and bottom-line analysis, together with deep, rich, and meaningful insight into the client’s purposes and passions. The hard realities of the tax code and the stock market are woven seamlessly with the heart and soul and vision of the human beings for whom we are planning. Literally, a new world, the future world our clients are seeking, is created.
The key to this beautiful and powerful approach to planning is the art of the story-leading question. It unlocks the door to what I believe is the best possible planning on the planet: story-based planning.
Scott Farnsworth, J.D., CFP is an attorney and Certified Planner with more than 30 year in the estate, business, and financial planning fields. He is the CEO of SunBridge, Inc. and the founder of the SunBridge Legacy Network. He is a nationally recognized author and expert on practical, holistic, family-friendly planning. Scott was recently named one of Financial Advisor Magazine’s ‘Innovators of the Year.
Michael Lichterman is an attorney specializing in estate planning and helping families and business owners create a lasting legacy by planning for their Whole Family Wealth™. He focuses on planning for doctors/physicians, nurses, lawyers, dentists, professionals with minor children, family owned business succession, and the “sandwich generation” (caring for parents and children) – and does so from a Christian perspective. He takes the “counselor” part of attorney and counselor at law very seriously, and enjoys creating life long relationships with his clients – many of which have become great friends.
